Change for the better....i think...

Rilakkuma and Guitar = <3

Alot of times i said this "i wanna change for the better!!!"
But i'm not sure if i really ever did change...=_=
I'm gonna try from today on...
It really can happen cuz i saw one person change before...
He change for me~~~ :)
I never tell that person that is the best thing that anyone did for me...
Change for me to love him again...aww~

But on the other hand...i feel kind of mean that time...
Cuz i was forching him so much...
Guess karma really gets me in the end...
Now i'm trying to change..but that person ain't coming back...
Is sad when i think about it...
Now i know how it feel's to be left when you love that somebody so much~

I've learn my lesson...
Everything happens for a reason...
The reason is i'm too pushy,forcy,self centred...everything bad...
Pushy and forcy cuz i force him to do thing's that he don't wanna.
Self centred cuz i didn't think of how he feels.
Always think of myself before him...yup is bad...
yeah~ and lots more things like that...bad..
I'll kick myself in the ass if i can go back to the old me.

If only i could trun back time and treat him right,
If only somebody will slap me and tell me the bad person i've been...
Maybe...just maybe he'll still be by my side.
Too bad nobody can trun it back...
Too bad is too late...

I'm sure nobody would wanna date me if they sees this. lolx~


I'm now on my road of recovery.
I can make thing's better!
I must believe i can!
I wanna change myself to a more kinder person!
I must!!!

Feeling Crappy~

I really don't know what's the cause of my crappy mood's lately.
Hmm...maybe is cuz of the potato chip's...it give's me gas. lolx!
To think of it, i drank potato soup for lunch and dinner today.

Yes! blame the Potato's!

Been thinking of mean things to say to people's lately~
Of course i didn't say it out loud. Just say it in my mind. :)

I'm not eating healthy lately too..:(
Got the desire to drink soft drinks when i'm eating my lunch and eat junk food at night when i'm youtubing!
And also been sleeping very late too~

So, i don't look good lately...=_=lll
My face looks pale and i have lot's of zit's and shit.
And my hair is a mess!!! Is like a bad hair day for me everyday!

No wonder i've been crappy!
Great! i found out myself!

Thing's ain't going well with me and my mom and my sister...
I really don't know how to talk to my mom anymore...
I donno how to not feel anything from my sister meaness...
She's treating me like a maid again...
Wish she'll move out soon!

Crap! Must patch things up soon!!!
Before is too late~~~

Goodbye is meaningless~

Before i go to bed~
I'm just gonna say~
I'm still struggling~
Struggling in life~

I've been lying to my own feelings now and than~
Guess i'm not totally over about It yet~
It still hurts me...alot.

Yes, is bad!
But i'm not gonna give up!

So, i remove him from my life~
Facebook,MSN,Skype~
Hoping i will over looked it one day~
So that one day we can be friends again~ :)

Saying goodbye is meaningless
If we’re able to meet again someday
Don’t you think it’ll be a beautiful thing?

So the goodbyes that i sent to him is only for the time being
Just leave it to fate now..

We can be friends again.
But not now.
I need some time...
Would you give me some time?

Valentines day~

Today is valentines day, so...
Happy Valentines day to every couples out there!!!
I wonder how it feels to celebrate valentines~
but I'm sure is sweet~ ^-^

I feel curious about the history of valentines day.
So I started to go on the web and search for the history.
It said that a man call st.Valentine got in jail for helping the ppl in his village get married. Cuz in the country that he live in, is forbidden to get married cuz the king believe that an unmarried soldier is a good soldier.
Than while his in jail he falls in love with a young girl which is the jail keepers daughter.
While his in jail he sends the girl letters starting with
" From your Valentine " which is still use today in the letter that people send on this wonderful day~
So in the end this day " February 14 " is an honors day to St.Valentine.

Aww~ is so sweet!
Is a happy day today!

But i'm sad cuz I'm single~ damn it!

Better luck next year elva~

Love is in the air
I can smell it
But I can't taste it....

Fight cuz of her! What the hell!!?

My mom call me to clean my room cuz tomorrow my friend is coming to stay at my home.
As I starts cleaning she starts to complain about me and my big sister.
My mom is angry cuz I don't wanna help my big sister to keep her things away.
She just move back from Kl(kuala lumpur).
Is been a week and her things is still in my room, makes my room looks very messy.
She starts yelling at me and saying how old is her ady. And I got to respect her.
RESPECT??!! What? She is always bullying me and you still say I'm not good enough to her?

Last time when I was staying with her in Kl,
She always treat me like a maid.
Always bully me, always been bad to me.
And I always tell you about it in the phone.
You always didn't do anything about it.

And now your angry cuz I don't wanna help her clean up the mess that she bring back from Kl?
What the fuck!
I'm really pist off now!!!
Is very obvious that you always give her the good stuff in life now.
Is not I think too much.
Is obvious...very obvious..

Korean food~

Today me,my mom,dad and sisters when to a Korean restaurant~
Of course we when for dinner there!
Is nice~ my mouth still smell like garlic now...lolx!

Feel lonely...so I listen to some music while we're on our way there. :)
Music and some mind game on my iPod helps me to forget a bit.

Will do my best to be more cheerful in life!!!

Elva! You got to gambateh!!!

The only way for me...

I have to keep away all the things that you gave me...
Delete your everything from my life...
I know i cant delete you from my memorys...
By doing this maybe i can forget....
This is the only thing i can do now to make the pain go away...

Is too painful for me...

I'm sorry...

Goodbye Forever...

I don't know what i did wrong to be hurt like this...
I don't know how to make it go away...
Everything i do just makes it worst...
I wish to be heartless...but i'm not...

Please save me from this pain...
It's just ain't right...
I'm not a strong person...i know that cuz i wish to die now...
Everything i do reminds me of you...
Listen to that song that you always want me to sing...
When Your Gone by Avril...

You make things hard for me now...
I know is time to say goodbye...
But i just wish i can trun back time...
And stay at that time when i'm with you...
It bruns my heart...

Please make the pain go away...
I can't breathe...
I blam myself for being like this now...
Loving you so deeply...
I lost my mind...

I wish i can get hit by a car and forget about us...
I don't wanna remember...
Wish i can start over...
Wish this never happen...
Wish i never know about love...
Wish i never step in to it...

Everything is over...
Is time to say goodbye...
I tried...
I already do what i can...

Goodbye, you...that once loved me so...

Hope you will find your half soon.
Wish you will be happy forever and ever...

Memory's...

Just reach Kl.
So many memory's...
My room...my bed..
My pillow still have your smell...
so many memory's of you and me...
Everything reminds me of you...

Feels like crying again...
Bitter sweet feelings...
It still hurts...
Hope this feeling will go away...soon..